


Murphy's Cops Law #30

by Python07



Series: Murphy's Cops Laws [27]
Category: Keeping Up Appearances
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 09:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3285806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Python07/pseuds/Python07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Small fic based on Murphy's Cops Law #30: The number of people who lock their keys in their car is directly proportional to how bad the weather is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Murphy's Cops Law #30

Richard Bucket’s arms were laden down with shopping bags and boxes. He could barely see over the top. He tried to keep up with Hyacinth’s quick pace while balancing his burden. He almost tripped over his own feet. “Hyacinth,” he pleaded. “Haven’t you bought enough?”

Hyacinth didn’t bother to turn and look at him. She waved an arm dismissively. “One must take advantage of the sales. Christmas will be upon us soon.”

Richard would’ve rolled his eyes but he had to keep a careful watch on where he was going. He almost slid on the tile floor. He froze and complained, “It’s March.”

Hyacinth didn’t break stride. She glanced into the front window of a shop specializing in music boxes. Her gaze immediately focused on the most expensive one. “Your point, dear?”

“Well, I mean….” Richard’s voice trailed off in defeat.

Hyacinth noticed that the clerk in the shop was a teenage girl with an unnatural shade of red hair. She sniffed and turned away. “Come along, Richard. I do not care to patronize this establishment.”

“Couldn’t we rent one of those carts?” 

“For a few baubles, dear? Don’t be silly.”

“But--”

Hyacinth stopped and leaned in close to his ear. “I will not have you taking a cart when they are there for the use of the elderly and infirm.”

“But you’ve bought out half the shopping mall,” Richard blurted out. “Right now, I feel old and infirm.”

“Richard,“ Hyacinth hissed. “You know how I dislike it when you exaggerate.” She checked her watch and stopped abruptly. “Oh,” she squealed.

“What is it?” Richard asked and bumped into her. He dropped everything to the floor. He bit his bottom lip to keep from cursing.

Hyacinth stared down at her parcels with wide eyes. “Oh, Richard,” she sighed dramatically.

Richard knelt down to start gathering them up. “I’m sorry.”

Hyacinth grabbed his arm and pulled him up. “I’ll get help for that. You go get the car.”

“I thought you weren’t finished.”

Hyacinth gave him a small shove. “I almost forgot that Elizabeth and Emmett will be coming for coffee. Must not keep them waiting. I’m sure Emmett’s just looking for an opportunity to offer me a part in his new production.”

Richard tried to kneel to gather up the parcels again. “I’m not so sure about that.”

Hyacinth again pushed him in the direction of the exit. “Why wouldn’t he? He knows the width and breadth of my talent.”

Richard bit the inside of his cheek to keep silent. He simply shrugged and headed out. A few minutes later, he stepped outside to find it storming heavily. He could barely see the parking lot. “Need an ark, not a car in this mess.”

Still, Richard knew better than to dawdle when Hyacinth expected him to do something. He pulled his hat down tighter and held the top of his coat closed. He stepped off the curb and into a giant puddle.

The water was cold and invigorating. The giggle bubbled up through his chest. He ran through the parking lot, making the biggest splashes that he could.

By the time Richard arrived at the car, he was soaked and he didn’t care. He started patting his pockets for his keys but he couldn’t find them. He cupped his hands around his face and peered into the driver’s window to see that the keys were still in the ignition.

Richard couldn’t help it. He just started laughing. He wiped his eyes. He wasn’t sure if the moisture was tears of joy, the rain, or a mix of both.

“Just wonderful,” Richard shouted to the sky and thunder rumbled in answer. He ran back across the lot. He jumped in all the big puddles along the way. 

Hyacinth stood just outside the entrance. She glared at the weather. She had her arms folded across her chest. Her packages were in a cart beside her. Her eyes got wide and her eyelids fluttered rapidly when she saw him. “Oh, my Lord Richard.”

Richard hopped the curb to stand next to her. He took his hat off and shook it to the side. “It’s nothing, Hyacinth, just a bit of rain,” he answered cheerfully.

“You’ll catch your death,” Hyacinth snapped.

“Oh, surely not,” Richard drawled.

Hyacinth waved her hand at him. “And what of your appearance? I’ve never seen you look so shabby.”

Richard nodded towards several other wet patrons. “I’m not the only one.”

Hyacinth pointed at him. “I expect you to set the example, Richard. You’re a power in local authority. People should look up to you.”

Richard sighed in frustration. “Oh, Hyacinth.”

Hyacinth sniffed. “It’s at times like this that I miss my Sheridan. He would never embarrass me in this way.”

“I wanted to bring the umbrella,” Richard reminded her. “You said to leave it in the car.”

Hyacinth turned away and let out a huff. “Why didn’t you pull the car around?”

Richard snickered. “I locked the keys in the car.”

Hyacinth started tapping her foot on the ground. “Honestly, Richard,” she said moodily. “I never thought I married a man who would lock his keys in the car.”

Richard bit back the sarcastic remark that came to mind. “I’m sorry,” he said kindly. “I won’t do it again. I promise.”

Hyacinth stopped tapping her foot. Some of the tension drained from her shoulders. “Very well.”

“I’ll just pop back inside and call our garage. They should be able to send someone by to unlock the car for us.”

Hyacinth turned and grabbed his arm. “Not the garage. Call the police.”

“I don’t know if they’ll respond for that. I doubt it’s a police matter.”

“Of course it is. This is an emergency.”

Richard patted her hand. “Leave it to me. I’ll take care of it.”

“Oh, thank you, dear.”

Richard stepped back into the mall. He was about to head for the service desk when he heard Hyacinth shriek. He rushed back out to find her soaking wet. He covered his mouth to keep from laughing.

Hyacinth looked down at herself in shock. She took off her new feathered hat to find it ruined. She frowned and choked back a sob. “It was a blue Mercedes, dear. It just drove by and…” her voice trailed off as she gestured to her own shabby appearance.

Richard cleared his throat. “You’d better wait inside.”

Hyacinth nodded. “You’re right. I should’ve gotten his license number. How dare he. Crazy driving in this weather. Bring the cart, would you?”

Richard glanced up for a silent prayer of thanks. He grabbed the cart. “Yes, Dear.”


End file.
